Ever wondered how vampires tickle their funny bones?
Brace yourself for a hilarious ride into the dark and witty world of vampire jokes!
Whether you’re a garlic lover or a nocturnal enthusiast, these blood-curdlingly funny tales will have you howling with laughter faster than a bat out of a comedy cave!
List Of 104 Hilarious Vampire Jokes
1. Why couldn’t the vampire see things clearly? Because he had bat vision.
2. What do vampires call their friends? Blood buddies!
3. Why couldn’t the vampire play cards? Because he always drew blood!
4. Why couldn’t the vampire play baseball? Because he couldn’t see himself in the uniforms!
5. What do you call a vampire who lives near the beach? A sand-wich!
6. Why couldn’t the vampire figure out how to use the computer? He had no idea how to log on!
7. What do you call a vampire who loves to dance? A fang-groover!
8. Why couldn’t the vampire find any dates? Because everyone had garlic breath!
9. What do you call a vampire who invests in the stock market? A stockbroker!
10. Why couldn’t the vampire find his way in the cave? Because there were bat dead ends!
11. Why couldn’t the vampire find any work? Because of all the job coffin!
12. What do you call a vampire who loves gardening? A green-thumb!
13. Why couldn’t the vampire see the dentist? Because he was afraid of the driller!
14. What do you call a vampire who loves fashion? A bloodhound!
15. Why couldn’t the vampire find any work in the bakery? Because of all the turn-over!
16. Why couldn’t the vampire find his way around the hotel? Because of all the dead ends!
17. What do you call a vampire who loves to travel? A bloodhound!
18. Why couldn’t the vampire find any work on the farm? Because of all the turnip!
19. What do you call a vampire who loves to cook? A fang-baker!
20. Why couldn’t the vampire find any work at the school? Because of all the dead languages!
21. What do you call a vampire who loves animals? A bloodhound!
22. Why couldn’t the vampire find any work at the library? Too many dead languages!
23. What do you call a vampire who loves to party? A fang-banger!
24. Why couldn’t the vampire find any work at the hospital? Because of all the dead patients!
25. What do you call a vampire who loves the outdoors? A bloodhound!
26. Why couldn’t the vampire find any work at the morgue? Too many dead ends!
27. What do you call a vampire who loves sports? A bloodhound!
28. Why couldn’t the vampire find any work at the cemetery? Too many dead ends!
29. What do you call a vampire who loves to read? A fang-geek!
30. Why couldn’t the vampire find any work at the blood bank? All the samples were drained!
31. What do you call a vampire who loves history? A bloodhound!
32. Why did the vampire bring a ladder to the party? He heard the punchline was “on another level”!
33. What do you call a vampire with a cold? Sniff-dracula!
34. How did the vampire react when he got a job at the blood bank? He said, “Finally, a job that doesn’t suck!”
35. What do you call a vampire who loves chocolate? A chocoholicula!
36. Why did the vampire always carry a toothbrush? He liked to sink his teeth into good dental hygiene!
37. What’s a vampire’s favorite type of ship? A blood vessel!
38. How does a vampire like his steak cooked? Medium-rare, with a side of neck-tar!
39. Why did the vampire subscribe to the newspaper? He wanted to catch up on the latest “biting” news!
40. What did the vampire say when he won an award? “I vant to sink all the academy for this batty honor!”
41. How does a vampire clean his house? With a coffin vacuum cleaner!
42. What do you get when you cross a vampire with a snowman? Frostbite!
43. How did the vampire feel after running a marathon? Fang-tastic!
44. What’s a vampire’s favorite dance move? The fang-dango!
45. Why did the vampire quit his job as a dentist? He couldn’t handle all the fillings!
46. What do you call a vampire’s dog? A bloodhound!
47. How did the vampire propose to his girlfriend? He gave her a coffin and said, “You’re the one I’ve been “dying” to spend eternity with!”
48. Why did the vampire open a bakery? He wanted to make some batty good pastries!
49. What’s a vampire’s favorite ice cream flavor? Vein-illa!
50. How does a vampire start a letter? “Tomb it may concern…”
51. Why do vampires make terrible comedians? Their jokes always bite!
52. What do you call a vampire who loves taking photographs? A snap-ire!
53. How do vampires get around the city? They bat-terfly!
54. What do you call a vampire’s cooking show? Bitesize Bites!
55. How did the vampire become a successful musician? He had a killer bat-itude!
56. What’s a vampire’s favorite fruit? Neck-tarines!
57. Why did the vampire go to art school? He wanted to learn how to draw blood!
58. How did the vampire feel after watching a romantic movie? Bittersweet!
59. What did the vampire say to his dinner date? “I hope you’re up for a bloody good time!”
60. How does a vampire make decisions? By flipping a “head”!
61. Why did the vampire always win at poker? He had a great poker “bat”!
62. What’s a vampire’s favorite type of music? Bat-tle hymns!
63. How did the vampire react when he lost his fangs? He was tooth-hurty!
64. What’s a vampire’s favorite holiday? Fangsgiving!
65. Why did the vampire visit the library? He wanted to sink his teeth into a good book!
66. What do you call a vampire with a messy house? A count-mess!
67. How do vampires stay fit? They do plenty of neck-ercises!
68. Why did the vampire become a musician? He wanted to play the “tombone”!
69. What do you call a vampire who tells jokes? A “fang”-ster comedian!
70. How did the vampire feel after a successful hunting night? Batsolutely amazing!
71. Why did the vampire become a hairdresser? He loved giving “fang”-tastic makeovers!
72. What do you call a vampire’s favorite TV show? The Walking Undead!
73. How do vampires keep their breath fresh? They use bat-mint!
74. Why did the vampire take up gardening? He wanted to grow bat-erflies!
75. What’s a vampire’s favorite ride at the amusement park? The roller-ghoster!
76. Why did the vampire go to the doctor? He had coffin-cold!
77. How do vampires get around the city? By blood light!
78. What’s a vampire’s favorite type of weather? Drizzle and thunderstorms!
79. Why did the vampire become a teacher? He loved to count!
80. How did the vampire feel after going on a diet? He said, “I’ve lost my vamp-titude!”
81. What’s a vampire’s favorite type of music? Hip-hopsuction!
82. Why did the vampire start a rock band? He wanted to be a “bats”-man!
83. What do you call a vampire who’s always making mistakes? A blunder-bite!
84. How did the vampire feel after a long flight? Jet-lagged and bat-tle-weary!
85. Why did the vampire invest in stocks? He wanted to make some batty dividends!
86. What’s a vampire’s favorite TV channel? The Food Neckwork!
87. How did the vampire feel after winning the lottery? He said, “I’m bat-rillionaire!”
88. Why did the vampire become a detective? He loved solving neck-cracking cases!
89. What’s a vampire’s favorite type of sandwich? A blood-wich!
90. How did the vampire react when he broke a fang? He said, “Fang you very much!”
91. Why did the vampire become an archaeologist? He loved digging up ancient neck-relics!
92. What do you call a vampire with good manners? A court-ly Count!
93. How did the vampire feel after his first day at the gym? Sore and batty!
94. Why did the vampire take up knitting? He wanted to make some bat-er-wear!
95. What’s a vampire’s favorite dance style? The bat-twerks!
96. How did the vampire feel after visiting the optometrist? Fang-tastically clear-sighted!
97. Why did the vampire become a comedian? He loved making people “grave”-y!
98. What do you call a vampire’s favorite casino game? Stake-poker!
99. How did the vampire feel after a long flight? Batty and jet-weary!
100. Why did the vampire become a plumber? He loved dealing with bat-htubs!
101. What’s a vampire’s favorite exercise? Cross-fanging!
102. How did the vampire feel after a long day at work? Graveyard-shifted!
103. What do you call a vampire who loves art? A fang-sterpiece collector!
104. Why did the vampire become a DJ? He loved spinning bat-tles!
As the sun rises and the laughter subsides, it’s time to bid adieu to these fang-tastic vampire jokes.
We hope they’ve injected a dose of humor into your day and left you smiling like a toothy Count.
Remember, laughter is the best defense against those pesky bloodsuckers, so keep those jokes close and your garlic closer.
Until next time, stay batty and keep those funny bones well-fed!
