Attention all spies and secret agents, get ready to burst into laughter as we unveil the most side-splitting James Bond joke compilation!
From cringeworthy gadgets to unforgettable one-liners, brace yourself for a spy-tastic dose of humor that even M would approve of!
96 James Bond joke & Puns List
1. Why couldn’t James Bond find a date? Because nobody Bond with him!
2. What do you call James Bond’s garage? A Bentley shed.
3. Why couldn’t James Bond remember his own name? He had amnesia.
4. What do you call James Bond’s favorite restaurant? Sha-kebab.
5. Why couldn’t James Bond find his car? Because somebody Bond it.
6. What do you call James Bond’s favorite drink? A Martini shaken, not stirred.
7. Why couldn’t James Bond find his car keys? Because somebody threw them in the shaken not the stirred.
8. What do you call James Bond’s favorite fruit? A shaken pear.
9. What do you call James Bond’s favorite card game? Poker shaken not stirred.
10. What do you call James Bond’s favorite dessert? A shaken bake.
11. What do you call James Bond’s favorite dance move? The shaken twist.
12. What do you call James Bond’s favorite sandwich? A shaken sub.
13. What do you call James Bond’s favorite fruit juice? Orange shaken not squeezed.
14. What do you call James Bond’s favorite pasta dish? Spaghetti shaken not stirred.
15. What do you call James Bond’s favorite ice cream flavor? Vanilla shaken not swirled.
16. What do you call James Bond’s favorite type of music? Rock shaken not rolled.
17. What do you call James Bond’s favorite type of cookie? Chocolate chip shaken not stirred.
18. What do you call James Bond’s favorite type of salad? Caesar shaken not tossed.
19. What do you call James Bond’s favorite type of soup? Minestrone shaken not stirred.
20. What do you call James Bond’s favorite type of bread? Rye shaken not baked.
21. What do you call James Bond’s favorite type of meat? Steak shaken not grilled.
22. Why did James Bond become a teacher? Because he wanted to educate the spies!
23. How does James Bond like his coffee? Shaken, not stirred, just like his missions!
24. Why did James Bond always carry a pen and paper? For his undercover operations, of course – they’re his secret agents!
25. Why did James Bond go to the bakery? He wanted to interrogate the muffins – they had some serious crumbs of evidence!
26. How does James Bond prefer his sandwiches? License to grill!
27. Why was James Bond always so calm and collected? He had a “007-step” stress management plan!
28. Why did James Bond become a chef? He loved to “grill” the villains with his culinary skills!
29. How did James Bond learn to surf? By riding the “Quantum of Waves”!
30. What did James Bond say when he got stuck in traffic? “Looks like I’ve got a ‘car chase’ ahead!”
31. How did James Bond win at hide-and-seek? He had a “007-second” hiding technique!
32. Why did James Bond take up gardening? He wanted to be an expert in “undercover-crop” operations!
33. What’s James Bond’s favorite type of music? Spy-chodelic rock!
34. Why did James Bond start telling jokes? He wanted to make sure he had a “license to ‘thrill’!”
35. How did James Bond handle a broken heart? With a “Quantum of Solace” and some ice cream, of course!
36. Why did James Bond join the gym? He needed to keep his “007-pack” in shape!
37. How does James Bond like his pizza? Double-0-seven toppings, please!
38. Why was James Bond always confident in the dark? He had a “license to ‘glow’!”
39. What’s James Bond’s favorite board game? “Secret Agent-opoly!”
40. How did James Bond become a math whiz? He mastered the “Quantum Calculus”!
41. Why did James Bond go to the art museum? To investigate the case of the missing “Mona Spy-sa”!
42. What’s James Bond’s favorite dessert? A “Moneypenny-worth” of ice cream!
43. Why did James Bond never get sunburned? He always wore SPF “Double-0-Seven”!
44. What did James Bond say when he bumped into a wall? “Pardon me, I must have taken a wrong turn on ‘M”-street!”
45. How did James Bond survive the haunted house? He had a “license to chill”!
46. Why did James Bond become a lifeguard? He was an expert in “undercover-cove” operations!
47. What did James Bond say when he got a splinter? “Q-tips won’t fix this, I need ‘Q-tweezers’!”
48. How did James Bond win the cooking competition? He had a “Golden Stove” up his sleeve!
49. Why did James Bond become an engineer? He enjoyed solving “spy-der webs” of problems!
50. What did James Bond say to the computer when it crashed? “Looks like we’ve got a ‘license to ‘reboot’!”
51. How did James Bond escape the labyrinth? He used his “007th sense” for directions!
52. Why did James Bond take up knitting? To master the art of “undercover-crochet”!
53. What’s James Bond’s favorite ice cream flavor? “Golden Raspberry Ripple”!
54. How did James Bond become a magician? He loved performing “disappearing-ink operations”!
55. Why did James Bond become a pilot? He had a knack for “spy-ling” aircraft!
56. What did James Bond say when he accidentally sent a text to the wrong person? “My message was ‘spy-locked’!”
57. How did James Bond become a comedian? He had a “license to ‘tickle’!”
58. Why did James Bond become a dentist? He knew all about “undercover-floss” missions!
59. What’s James Bond’s favorite candy? “Double-0-Sevens” – they’re a secret agent’s delight!
60. How did James Bond ace his exams? He had a “Golden Eye” for details!
61. Why did James Bond become a tailor? He wanted to be a “secret agent of style”!
62. What did James Bond say when someone complimented his cooking? “It’s all about the ‘spy-ces’!”
63. How did James Bond become a master painter? He knew all about “undercover-brush” operations!
64. Why did James Bond become a parkour expert? He could easily “vault” over obstacles!
65. What’s James Bond’s favorite flower? “Double-0-Scented Roses”!
66. How did James Bond get through his laundry day? With a “007-step” guide to stain removal!
67. Why did James Bond become a lifeline operator? He knew all about “undercover-help” missions!
68. What did James Bond say when he aced a difficult exam? “Another mission accomplished!”
69. How did James Bond become a chess champion? He was a pro at “undercover-check-mate” moves!
70. Why did James Bond become a dance instructor? He had smooth “007-step” moves on the dance floor!
71. What did James Bond say when he found the perfect outfit? “This one is ‘spy-tacular’!”
72. How did James Bond win the photography contest? He had a “Golden Lens”!
73. Why did James Bond become a lifeguard? He had the perfect “License to ‘Swim'”!
74. What’s James Bond’s favorite type of dog? A “Golden Retriever” – always loyal and trustworthy!
75. How did James Bond win the baking competition? He had a “License to ‘Grill’!”
76. Why did James Bond become a locksmith? He knew all about “undercover-key” operations!
77. What did James Bond say when he discovered a hidden treasure? “Double-0-Mine!”
78. How did James Bond excel at archery? He had a “License to ‘Bullseye’!”
79. Why did James Bond become a tailor? He had a “license to frill”!
80. What did James Bond say when someone asked about his favorite superhero? “Double-0-Spiderman!”
81. How did James Bond win the crossword puzzle competition? He had a “Golden Pen”!
82. Why did James Bond become a gardener? He knew all about “undercover-root” operations!
83. What did James Bond say when he found the perfect beach spot? “This is ‘Double-0-Heaven’!”
84. How did James Bond become a master chef? He had a “License to ‘Grill’!”
85. Why did James Bond become a detective? He was an expert in “undercover-clue” operations!
86. What’s James Bond’s favorite card game? “License to ‘Deal’!”
87. How did James Bond win the puzzle-solving competition? He had a “Golden Mind”!
88. Why did James Bond become a gardener? He loved “undercover-grove” operations!
89. What did James Bond say when he found the perfect spy gadget? “This is ‘Double-0-Awesome’!”
90. How did James Bond excel at karaoke? He had a “License to ‘Thrill'” the audience!
91. Why did James Bond become a fisherman? He had a “license to gill”!
92. What did James Bond say when he solved a tough riddle? “Another mission cracked!”
93. How did James Bond become a ski champion? He had a “License to ‘Chill’!”
94. Why did James Bond become a plumber? He knew all about “undercover-pipe” operations!
95. What did James Bond say when he discovered a hidden treasure? “Double-0-Yay!”
96. How did James Bond become a crossword puzzle expert? He had a “License to ‘Fill’!”
Well, it’s time to holster our laughter and return to the world of espionage.
Remember, when life gets too serious, just imagine James Bond in a banana suit – instant chuckles!
Share the fun, spread the joy, and until next time, may your martinis be shaken, not stirred!
