Welcome one and all to the comedy arena, where we’ll tickle your funny bone with a roundhouse kick!
Ready to laugh until your sides split? Brace yourself, because we’re unleashing a series of invincible Chuck Norris jokes & Puns.
Why did the chicken cross the road? Chuck Norris told it to! If that tickled your funny bone, get ready to buckle up and dive into an avalanche of such humorous anecdotes.
Let’s jump right into the laughter vortex and grapple with the uproarious world of Chuck Norris jokes!
List of 51 The Ultimate Chuck Norris Jokes
1. Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.
2. Chuck Norris counted to infinity – twice.
3. There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of creatures Chuck Norris allows to live.
4. Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
5. Chuck Norris does not wear a watch. He decides what time it is.
6. Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.
7. The chief export of Chuck Norris is Pain.
8. Chuck Norris has never had to pay taxes. The IRS owes him money.
9. Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird.
10. Chuck Norris can drown a fish.
11. When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
12. Chuck Norris can lead a horse to water AND make it drink.
13. Chuck Norris ordered a Big Mac at Burger King, and got one.
14. Chuck Norris can speak Braille.
15. Chuck Norris can hit you so hard that he can actually alter your DNA. Parents now warn their kids that if they misbehave then Chuck Norris will come and change their DNA.
16. Chuck Norris invented water. Also fire. But scientists are still arguing about that.
17. Chuck Norris invented the wheel. Then he rounded it.
18. Chuck Norris can win a game of Connect Four in only three moves.
19. When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn’t lifting himself up, he’s pushing the Earth down.
20. Chuck Norris can divide by zero.
21. Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.
22. Chuck Norris can strangle you with a cordless phone.
23. Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table, because Chuck Norris only recognizes the element of surprise.
24. Chuck Norris doesn’t go hunting… CHUCK NORRIS GOES KILLING.
25. When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Chuck Norris has not had to pay taxes, ever.
26. Chuck Norris played Russian roulette with a fully loaded gun and won.
27. There is no chin behind Chuck Norris’ beard. There is only another fist.
28. Time waits for no man. Unless that man is Chuck Norris.
29. Chuck Norris invented Kentucky Fried Chicken’s famous secret recipe, with eleven herbs and spices. But nobody ever mentions the twelfth ingredient: Fear.
30. Be careful trying to become friends with the dark side. The dark side already has Chuck Norris.
31. Some people wear Superman pajamas. Superman wears Chuck Norris pajamas.
32. When Chuck Norris falls in a forest, trees around him die from trauma.
33. Chuck Norris can delete the Recycling Bin.
34. Chuck Norris can pick oranges from an apple tree and make the best lemonade you’ve ever tasted.
35. Chuck Norris can tie his shoes with his feet. It’s a special talent called “footlooping.”
36. Chuck Norris’s calendar goes straight from March 31st to April 2nd because no one fools Chuck Norris.
37. Chuck Norris can grill a popsicle.
38. Chuck Norris can make a snowman out of rain.
39. Chuck Norris can hear sign language.
40. Chuck Norris can unscramble an egg.
41. Chuck Norris doesn’t flush the toilet; he scares the crap out of it.
42. Chuck Norris can lick his elbow. He just chooses not to.
43. Chuck Norris can sneeze with his eyes open.
44. Chuck Norris can do a wheelie on a unicycle.
45. Chuck Norris can cure a cold by giving it a glare.
46. Chuck Norris can touch MC Hammer.
47. Chuck Norris can make a happy meal cry.
48. Chuck Norris can hear a pin drop from a mile away, but he prefers roundhouse kicks.
49. Chuck Norris can shave with a potato.
50. Chuck Norris can find the end of a rainbow.
51. Chuck Norris can play the violin on a piano.